So, hi. Here I am. Alive.
I thought that I'd never be okay. But my thoughts failed me. I'm okay now. I really am.
This is my second time. The first one, didn't go well. I was miserable back then. But now I know how to do this right. And believe me, loving him has never been this easy before.
You don't get to think about one-sided love. It would definitely kill you. Just love. Love as easy as you breathe. Love him for yourself. Not for him, not for anyone. Just for yourself, and keep believing. But not too high. Just know your limit. Know what you can and cannot take. Know what you deserve.
I'm not saying it's always gonna be easy. There will always be the hard part. As for me, it's whenever I'm close to him. I'm not ready, yet. That rush, that heartbeat, I need some time. I need distance. But not too far. My place now? It's perfect. But I believe that, someday, distance won't matter. Even if he's close, even if he's far. I can take it.
The other hard part is, when I hear some issues. Yeah, you know, about new girl. It really broke my heart. But it was just for seconds. Can you believe that? It was just seconds! It ruined my mood for seconds! I cried though. A little. Then, it was suddenly just over. I whispered,"New girl, huh? Okay. I can deal with that". But the one thing that I still can't stop is to find out who's the girl. I mean, after knowing the girl, then what? Is there something I can do? No. So, what's the point? It seriously has to stop.
Sometimes I miss him. Well not sometimes. I miss him all the time. Like right now, I miss him so bad. I miss him enough I could go crazy. That crazy to get my phone and text him telling him how much I miss him. But I don't wanna do that. He deserves more than that. He deserves a better peaceful life, that I don't know somehow but I think, maybe, it's just a normal life, without me.
But, missing him won't kill me. It even makes me stronger. You know why? Because, by missing him, I know one thing I'm sure of: we were real.
Again, I'm not saying it's gonna be easy. I'm just saying it's gonna be worth it.
Uh-huh. Yep. I'm that strong. I believe I am.
How's life, eh? Life's pretty good here. Hope it's better there. I miss you, a lot, but you should've known that, right?
Be good, okay? Stay strong and keep healthy. Always know that, I'll still be here. I'm going nowhere. Don't you ever forget that.
So, I'll see you soon, then? :)